September 2008 Newsletter

September News...happyhome habit #2: family fun night

the second happyhome habit is something you can do once-a-week: family fun night

Research shows that strong families spend intentional quality time together. Family fun night is another great opportunity to weave several protective factors into family life: communication, quality time, traditions, shared memories and lots of love. Stop all the hustle and bustle and do something fun together. Put family first by setting aside a day and a time to have fun: board games, bowling, hiking, a craft or cooking project. Protect family time by saying no to television, phones, or work-related interruptions. Friday nights are great since everyone can relax at the close of the week.

Since our lives have become so dizzybusy, it’s even more important to show our children that we can slow down, stop working and enjoy each other’s company. Research shows that our busy lifestyles are negatively affecting our children even more than we thought. The lack of connection with loved ones is causing them to feel anxious, stressed and pessimistic about life.

Society has convinced us that more sports, music lessons and chess clubs are going to prepare our kids for a better life. Some of that is great, but all the extra-curricular activities in the world will not make up for the lost opportunity we have to teach our children valuable life lessons and build strong family ties. Be selective. One or two activities per child are all they need and probably all they can handle. Kids need down time, when nothing is planned, when it’s quiet enough for imaginations to kick in and spontaneous connections to occur. And so do we.

give everyone a voice

Family fun night is a great opportunity to create a sense of belonging. A healthy, happy family is one in which all members have a voice, are respected and believe they matter. Create your own family fun box at home, and use the idea cards included in this section as a way to gather activity suggestions for your time together. Ask everyone to write down an idea of family fun on the idea cards and place them, folded, in the box. Take turns letting family members pick the activity, so each person feels he or she is a valued part of the family unit. Most importantly, put family fun night on your calendar to make sure it happens.

insist they join in on the fun

Family fun night is another one of those activities that may cause teenagers to roll their eyes. You’d be surprised what they’re really thinking. They want to be included, but won’t say so. That is why we, as parents, need to insist on what we believe is important and not be deterred by a little teenage resistance.

expect the best
When my older children were ages eight, twelve, and sixteen, we used to have family meetings each Sunday evening. The children took turns being the leader, which meant that they ran the meeting, chose the dinner menu and brought a quote about life to share. We used a big pad of paper for the quote and set it up on an easel for all to see during the week.

When it was Sean’s turn to run the meeting, I expected him to come to me for help with his quote, since he was only eight. He did not. Without a word, he stood up and wrote the following lyrics from a 60's Rolling Stones song: "You can’t always get what you want, but if you try, sometimes, you get what you need." We were all blown away. How did Sean even know this song?

I have always been amazed at how people, big and little, step up to the plate when you expect good things from them. One moment in particular, from those years of meetings, has stayed with me. One Sunday, my daughter’s friend Tarin, who was sixteen, joined us for the evening. She seemed to be happy participating. At one point she blurted out to everyone there, "This is fun. I wish my family did this, too."

We need to be intentional about dinner conversations

because happyhomes don’t just happen.

This is a sneak peak at Lorle's book, now available through Once Upon a Family consultants - happyhome: a family's guide to finding balance in a dizzybusy world. It gives us a simple plan – the five happyhome habits – as well as five fun and practical tools to make it easy to weave those healthy habits into our family life right away.

Watch for next month’s happyhome news when Lorle tells us about happyhome habit #3: treasured traditions. Ask a thousand people to tell you about their favorite childhood memory and most of them will talk about family holidays, vacations, traditions and rituals — events they repeated over and over. We look forward to things we know we will enjoy because we have enjoyed them before.